White blossom drifting,
Across a perfect new sky;
As I dream of clouds.
White blossom drifting, Across a perfect new sky; As I dream of clouds. |
Details
November 2, 2008
187 bytes Statistics
4
0 38 (0 today) 4 (0 today) |
Comments
I'll definitely be looking at it again and it's that third line that needs work.
Cheers,
Skybluethinking
--
The little devil on everyone's shoulder.
This one just isn't quite there yet, but I'm not sure how to make it work.
I originally had a pause in the third line, just as you suggest.
Haiku can be varied quite a lot, and the relationship between an English syllable and Japanese on is complicated. Still, I like the discipline and structure of sticking with 5-7-5, or sometimes 3-5-3.
Hmm...I appreciate your input. This one needs more thought!
Previous PageNext Page